Pros and Cons

So it’s almost the end of my little adventure in Honduras…at least I think it is. The ever present, nagging sensation in the pit of my stomach still won’t let me settle on whether to stay for another year or to go. One of the other volunteers has suggested that I make a list of pros and cons for each option, so here goes:

“Going” Pros:

Pretty obvious really. I get to see my long lost friends and family, have hot showers every day, be able to breath freely outdoors, not worry that I’m gonna get eaten by wild dogs every time I go to buy groceries, and go to bed at night without the sound of distant gunfire (although to be fair, it has been fairly quite in my neck of the woods for a while now…despite what I said in my last blog.) I can be a nerd again, use a dishwasher and laundry dryer, and even wear my kilt in public without having to worry about being shot (although my sister might still kill me.)

I could get a real job! One of the police dept. I’ve been looking at is FINALLY off hiring freeze after two years, and I might just stand a chance of getting in.

“Going” Cons:

Despite how nice it would be to have a real job, do I really want one yet? I mean, once you join the real world it’s decidedly harder to travel. Suddenly you have bills and responsibilities. I’m not sure I want to give up the world just yet.

“Staying” Pros:

Yes, there are actually reasons to stay down here, despite how much I enjoy complaining. Number one reason: my kids. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I love my students (most of them anyway.) I can see so much untapped potential in them, and now that I feel like I know what I’m doing as a teacher and have a relationship with the students, do I really want to give that up already? Is my job here really done yet?

There are also more selfish reasons like improving my Spanish (which sucks), and how easy it would be to just say “sure!”

“Staying” Cons:

See “Going: Pros” for a start. I miss reliable running water. I miss my friends and family. I MISS WORLD OF WARCRAFT DARN IT!!! I am worn out, and I don’t know if I could actually DO another year. There is plenty of drama to deal with (I swear it’s a cultural past time in Honduras) and just thinking about it right now tires me out. Of course, I might feel different after being home a month, but at the moment dwelling on “next year” is inducing hair loss.

I simply cannot make up my mind. I don’t know that I have the energy right now to do another year, but if I leave I feel like I’m abandoning my kids. So what is it to be?