So I and my housemates have had a problem with this local child for some time now. His name is Brian, is about 6 years old, and he is CONSTANTLY coming over asking for food, water, money, and clothes and medicine for his mother. At first we were having him cut out front grass (a job here which is done with a machete, and is backbreaking for anyone over 3 feet tall.) In exchange we would give him 20 lempira and a sandwich.
The problems began when Brian started coming over when we didn’t need the grass cut. He would come over at least once a week asking for food and money, and I, trying to be a good Christian, would offer him some small bit of food (usually a slice of bread with jam) and a glass of water. Now, Brian is by no means underfed, and he has “clean” clothes, by which I mean he has different ones each time I see him, so he isn’t destitute either. So when the visits keep increasing in frequency, we start getting annoyed. We can’t afford to feed a child on our stipend, especially one that isn’t ours.
Brian also starts showing up at odd times, like 9:30 at night when we are all dog tired and heading to bed (well…those of us done with lesson planning.) We also learn that he is doing rounds of the volunteer houses, and that he usually has been given stuff already by the time he comes knocking on our door. At this point we decide to start getting tough. We stop feeding him unless he cuts the grass (which honestly looks worse after he has cut it,) and start ushering him away. In response to this, Brian starts bringing friends with, all of whom are just as demanding, and many of whom don’t wear clothes (nothing more disconcerting than looking up to see a naked and dirt-covered child sneaking in through your front door.)
I feel bad for them, I really do, but I do not run a poor house. Not to mention they already HAVE parents and homes of their own. That being said, their homes probably suck, as Peggy has already informed me that Brian’s mother is a well-known alcoholic.
So what do I do? I can’t keep handing out food to swarms of demanding children (and honestly the complete lack of any kind of gratitude is enough to put one off. All they know is “give me”, without any kind of “please”, “thank you”, or any genuine gratitude at all…reminds me of some of my students actually.) However, this doesn’t remove the stab of guilt I feel every time I turn them away, accompanied be the haunting verse from Revelations about denying God whenever you turn a hungry beggar from your door.
Brian isn’t exactly hungry though so much as he is greedy, but he is poor and worse off than me. So what am I to do?
Maybe consult with the other neighbors he is making the rounds to, and come up with a game plan together? They might have dealt with similar kids before, depending on the type of area it is, and you're more likely to have an effect if you put up a united front. It sounds to me like he does have difficulties in his life, like the alcoholic parent, but what he is trying to get from you is not what he actually needs. There has to be some way you or your community can better target what his actual issue is.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Sarah. The boy may also be looking for adult friendship, which he should get from locals who are going to be around for while longer than you.
ReplyDeleteYou should not feel guilty. You are giving a lot by being there. You need sleep, rest, time, and food, to help your students at school.
Does the school, or the associated local church have a pastoral out-reach, or community care group that could speak to the boy?
In summary, the local community is better able to understand his specific needs and to help him, beyond what you have already done.
Also, if he becomes disappointed/frustrated that he is not getting his way, be careful that there is no possibility of false accusations against any of you.